i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
