Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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