I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
