i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
