Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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