I could have mohawked her pubes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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