If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I supernannyed him into submission
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
