Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
