put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I am morally bankrupt
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
