Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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