so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
