How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i was born a porn star she said
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
