omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
