Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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