apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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