I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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