Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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