There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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