I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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