I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
