cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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