So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.