Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
