she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
