Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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