so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
