Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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