I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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