In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
