I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
