Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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