he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
