I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
