and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
vagina is talking i cant
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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