The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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