Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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