I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
