oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
