I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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