I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
