He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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