do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
