Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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