i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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