Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
