I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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