What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
