we're chasing vodka with high fives
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
