lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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