Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
