I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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