I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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