she woke up with a sticky ear
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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