just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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