i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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