why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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