His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
