I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
