Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
