the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
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Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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