I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
