pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
