I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
