Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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