so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
