i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
