omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
