I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
