After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
