There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
