Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
