I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
